The Sun Always Comes Back Up

When Byron came home and casually mentioned that a hurricane was headed in our direction the next week I did not really know what that meant. Being from the mountains of North Carolina I am best prepared for a snow storm. Any other kind of natural disaster seems foreign to me. Watching the news over the next few days we watched and waited on word on if we were evacuating or not. Byron left for work on that Monday and told me to pack a bag for a few days and get everything ready because we were probably going to be leaving that afternoon. I found this to be very inconvenient. However, Byron called me a few hours later and said it would only be a category one hurricane and we are going to stay put. So we head to the grocery store and stock up on food and round up our fellow coasties friends for dinner and wait for this "minor" hurricane to start.



When we woke up the next morning everything seemed so calm and I started to wonder if it was even going to become anything at all. Later that afternoon the winds started with the heavy rains and then our power went out. At this point I am still thinking just another tropical storm. I have learned every time it rains in New Orleans it floods. This is our new normal. However, when the power did not come back on and we were having to live by candle light in the smoldering heat without any cooked or refrigerated food for the next couple of days I decided Hurricanes are for the birds. How annoying is this? Being 32 weeks pregnant only added to my annoyance and I started to complain, a lot. By Thursday Byron decided we needed to go to the other base and stay there until we got power again. We had both had enough of living in the dark and sweating every ounce of bottled water we drank.

 Byron's work place quickly became the shelter for all the families stationed at the Comm Station. I looked around and saw all the kids sleeping in sleeping bags and laughing. I walked into the kitchen and saw all the wives combining resources and preparing meals for everyone. All of the men of course finally had TV again due to the generator and were able to catch up on the start of the football season and everyone there was smiling. Living so far away from home it is difficult to be away from family and friends and I don't believe until that moment did I realize how lucky Byron and I are down here. We have found a home away from home. We have found people with common ground, they too are away from family and are living the military life where at times the lack of flexibility tends to "annoy" you. I also realized how fortunate we are to be part of the military. I am so proud of these men and women who have volunteered to serve this country. They protect us from terrorist, yes, but also from natural disasters. They guard and keep this country safe. They go out there when no one else is able and save lives. We saw so much devastation throughout the week. It turns out although Hurricane Isaac was a category one it hung around for so long and kept spinning it caused damage of a category five in some places. So many families lost their homes. To them this was their Hurricane Katrina.


With just a few minor damages and a week of being placed out of our home we made it back safe and sound. The power came back on, along with our ac. We cleaned up the mess, went to the grocery store and went back to normal life pretty quickly. We were so fortunate and blessed to be able to do that. So many families just a few miles away no longer have a home to go to. When that really sinks in I feel guilty for thinking that I was a victim in any way. God showed me so much over the last couple of weeks. I am so proud to be part of the United States Coast Guard family. I am so glad God reminded me to focus on what really matters in life. I pray that I am able to stay positive and not let the inconvenient days distract me from seeing all the good in my life. Throughout the hurricane I still had food, shelter and people that care about me. I still got a paycheck, thanks to Arbonne, one of the biggest God sends in my life. I have so much and hope that I am able to remember this when my child comes into the world next month. I want to teach her that life does not always give you sunny days but eventually the sun always comes back up.

Small Town, Big Hearts

I am from a small town in North Carolina. I always say God kissed the earth and called it Boone, North Carolina. When you grow up in Boone a part of your heart stays there. It does not matter if you move away forever and you come back whenever you know your soul needs the fresh mountain air or you know raising a family anywhere else would be an injustice to your children. When Byron joined the Coast Guard we were so excited about the adventure, of the unknown. Yet at the same time,  we both knew there was going to be so much we would miss about “home”. Not only is Boone beautiful but it is full of beautiful people. When there is something to celebrate like weddings and babies the warmth and love you feel from the community is amazing. Even more, when tragedy strikes and the dark days come the entire community pulls together and helps you get through it as best you can.

It seems this year there has been a lot of tragedy in my small town. It seems that there is more tragedy there than normal. Then I realized I felt that because we all know everyone and we all hurt when a fellow Boone native hurts. We all cry and mourn the loss and we never forget. Life is so hard and when tragedy strikes it makes you latch on to your loved ones and hold on for dear life. But no one really understands unless you are the one that has lost someone. And losing someone when they are young and have so much life to live is so hard to understand. It is impossible to not ask God why? Why did they have to go so soon? Why am I still here without them?

At 26 weeks pregnant I feel my precious baby kicking. I feel movement and life and nothing in the world is more exciting to me than the life that will soon arrive. Byron and I feel blessed beyond measure. We are overjoyed with this blessing and I wake up every day with a new sense of excitement that I had never felt before. The moment you find out that you are expecting the world looks different. You see the world from a parents view point. You look at what you are bringing your child into. So much of this world is beautiful but at the same time there is so much evil and heartbreak as well. I would love to protect my child from anything that could ever harm her or cause her pain but that is impossible. All I can teach her is how to deal with it and where to put her faith. Everyone who is brought into this world will be taken out. Sometimes it is from sickness, sometimes from tragedy and even worse sometimes by another’s hands that derives from pure evil.

We are all born with a good and evil in our hearts and we have to choose which path we will follow. We have to choose how we value life. In all honesty it is a simple choice. It is not always easy but it is simple. And for those who choose good and choose life truly break when a life is chattered.  There is sincere compassion for another human being. I want to teach my children how sacred and special life is. How to value it and take care of it. How to guard their hearts. When tragedy strikes there is one verse that always consumes my thoughts and they are the only words I know to speak to those suffering from a loss…

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

A peace that passes all understanding. Only through Christ can we find that kind of peace. Without Christ there is no peace. There is no hope. There are no bright days. Without him your heart can turn very dark, very quickly. Life will beat you down, Satan comes in to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to break you down so much that you will not recover that you will turn from Christ or never really find him in the first place. He wants you to focus on the anger and the hole in your heart. As Christians it is normal to ask “why?” but we have to trust in him. God does not want us to go through dark days. When we are broken so is Christ. But this world is full of evil and at times it seems that evil is winning. At the end of our lives is when we look back and see all that we have gone through good and bad. It is when we can see where God was able to get us through the dark days and bring us bright ones again. But as a Christian it will not be until we get to heaven will we see the full work of God in our lives and the love, grace and mercy that Christ is. Until that day when we see all the loved ones we have lost, until we see Christ we have to survive on faith. We have to trust in him fully. And even more we have to show that love and faith to the world. We need to bring others to Christ so they can have the peace that passes all understanding. So that we can all rejoice in heaven. So at the end of our lives we can see more bright days than dark ones. As long as we are in this world there will be tragedy and death. It is unavoidable. My prayer is for  peace for all the precious Boone families that are going through heart break and loss. I thank God for our community and for his grace and love shown through his followers. I pray through tragedy others are brought to Christ and in heaven we can all celebrate together. I love my Boone family and will always be praying. I pray for more bright days and for peace that will pass all understanding.

Politics.

I do not care for politics. As a Christian to some it should be black and white which “side” you should choose. But when you look at the Bible it does not fall under a specific party. However, what the Bible says about sin is black and white. What am I? I am a Christian. Who do I vote for? The person who is the closest to believing in what I believe. There is only one thing that anyone should ever hate and that is sin. Because sin is what causes so much hurt and destruction in our society. And more importantly we are all guilty of it.

                                  For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

I cringe when I hear Christians claim that others are greater sinners than they are. We are not the one to judge. We are here to witness and show God’s love. We need to live our lives the best we can and serve God. By serving God we love other people. No we do not support their sin, nor do we agree with it. But we should never approach the issue with anger and hate. We are to be Christ like. We are to show them with love how much God loves them. If we as Christians would do this can you imagine the impact it would have? I want my children to grow up in a society that knows Christ. I want my children to know the love of Christ. Not the impression that those that are not saved have of Christians, but most importantly of God. God is love. He loves us all. We can all have him in our hearts. We can all be saved. We can all feel the pure joy and peace when you have him living inside your heart. That is what we need to be passionate about.

So before you take a stand and say something and speak anger towards anyone. As a Christian think about it first, read your Bible, step back and ask yourself…What would Jesus do? We should always stand up for what we believe but we should also always do it in love.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

I grew up in a home where my parents knew that if we always felt loved you could handle just about anything. There are four children in my family. My brother being the oldest, I was next in line and then our twin sisters came along. One of my sisters, Betsy was born with sacral agenesis. Basically what that meant for her is she was born without the bottom part of her spine. The spine is connected to a lot of the key nerves in the body. This effected Betsy’s growth and development. But when you are a kid all you know is that your sister is really small. She still gets on your nerves, borrows your clothes without asking and is your constant playmate. As her siblings we never doubted in Betsy’s ability to be normal. Because to us she was normal. She was our sister. The older she got the more we learned that the world sometimes thought they had the right to make her feel less than she was. As the older sister I took on the “motherly” role. This at times came out with severe anger. I told off a lot of people growing up. I made sure if I was around and someone even thought about staring or pointing I would be on the attack faster than they could get words out. I know this is not the Godly way to handle ignorant people but I found it very difficult to control my temper. However, Betsy always found a way to be the bigger person. Always.  What her family sees in her is what she knows is the truth. Because what we see is what God sees, perfection. God makes no mistakes. He had no intention of bringing Betsy into this world with a fully developed spine. He knew she was bigger than what the world tells her she is supposed to be. Everyone who knows Betsy quickly forgets about her disability. You cannot help but fall in love with her. She is addictive to be around and lights up every room. I cannot imagine life without her as an inspiration. I could not be more proud of the person she is.

The darkest time in her life is what most would expect, her teen years and it rolled into her college years as well. For the most part high school was a success. She had lots of friends and even made the cheerleading squad, proving once again she can do anything she sets her mind to. But college was a bit harder. She no longer had her family around as her constant support system and on a big college campus people see her as a stranger not as Betsy. What is worse is that they saw her as a stranger with a disability. I remember being shocked at the response from her fellow students. To me Betsy was Betsy, disability or not. What I learned during this time is how the world places you on their scale. You have to be a certain height, size, shape and look. You also have to fall into their specific standards for what they rate as “good enough”.  I think in many ways we as her family are blessed because our outlook on disability is far different than it is for most people. We know not to stare or point. We also know that more than anything anyone who feels different despises pity. Why in the world do we think they deserve pity? I know more than anything this is what will get to Betsy. Pity what? That she is small? Do you think she does not know that? Why is being a petite person a bad thing? And why does the world think they are better and can talk to her like she is less of a person because of her size? She is a 24 year old grown woman with a masters degree. And guess what? She has started her own ministry. She travels around the world and speaks to churches, schools and events. She constantly shares her testimony about how God has done amazing things in her life. How the world tries to beat her up but at the end of the day she knows where her standard lies. She is out there fighting this battle against the world proving she is better and has more worth and guts than anyone has ever given her credit for. And why is she doing this? To change the world. Because my sister Betsy really believes people can change. If just one child is saved from rejection, laughter and teasing because of her story it will be totally worth it. If by raising enough money to send a doctor to a poverty stricken country where children with disabilities do not survive without the proper medical care, it is all worth. But most importantly, for anyone who thinks they can justify aborting a child on the sole purpose of “they have a disability and life would just be too hard”. Is Betsy’s life really not worth living? Of course no one will say that is the case to her now. But somehow when that child is still in the womb they are considered to those who are pro choice that we have the right to choose if they should be able to live or die? According to our superficial standards of what life is about, we find it to be too difficult for them. In reality it is too difficult for us. Because our take on life is that anyone born into this world with a disability are looked down upon and pitied. My sister Betsy is determined to change the opinions of this world. It is time for us to sit back and actually think about what we are saying. It is time for us to recognize that life is a gift and it should not be in our hands to determine the quality of life we feel everyone should be rated on.  My sister, with her disability has done more in her twenty five years than most people do in their lifetime. To her this life has a purpose. To share God’s love so everyone knows the pure joy you find when he is in your life. The perfect body and the acceptance of the world is not what it is about. The world would be an amazing place if there were more Betsy’s in it. So next time you are considering justifying abortion for any reason. Stop and reconsider the life you are cheating the world out of. They are made in the eyes of our creator. He knows what he is doing. I think it is time for us to allow him to handle things. 

Please follow my sister at: http://www.betsybolick.blogspot.com/

From Vision to Reality

Isn't it amazing what a quote can do? Once an inspiring quote is posted in the form of a media website, text or email it can get spread like wildfire. We are inspired and then pass along this inspiration to others. Then two hours later we get right back into our daily grind and forget all about the vision that popped in our head when we were reading it. Most of the time, the ones that really get us are the ones that would require us to step out of our "comfort zones'. It is great to pretend we are actually going to take the steps to reach our "vision" of what we want in our lives but there are only a few of us that actually end up doing this. We want change, we want greater things for our life and our future. Why do we not just do it? Well, because it is easier said, or read, than done. One that was sent to me this morning by an amazing friend (that knows exactly what I needed to hear during this time in my life), is..

"If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten."

Wow. That is not comfortable at all. It is too accurate to be comfortable. That is inspiration. We have to be forced out of our comfort zones to fulfill what we want to in this life. That is true in every aspect. This is the time of year where we do our "New Years Resolutions". Where we promise ourselves that this is the year that we will accomplish our goals. One little slip up and we back track all the way to where we started. So many times we barely make any ground at all. I have to remind myself, does it matter if you start in January or is it alright if you try again in April? I think it is. I think instead of resolutions, why don't we call them goals? Why don't we constantly try to fulfill our goals. The only problem is, that we get stuck in what our "normal" is. We have to make sacrifices in order to get there. Sometimes they are minor, like giving up fried food, other times they are heart breaking like realizing you have to walk away from a relationship that is only dragging you down. It is a scary concept, especially if it is something that you really desire for your life.

"If the size of the vision for your life is not intimidating to you, there is a good chance it is insulting to God!" Steve Furtick

Powerful, very powerful. We have to want God's plan for our life, not our own. His plan is intimidating but it is HIS plan. His plan is far greater than anything we could ever imagine for ourselves. The older I get the more I realize, satan works really hard to steer you away from reaching God's goal for your life.  Along the way there are "friends" that will criticize and lack understanding that ultimately YOU will be the one that is able to find peace in your life decisions. Because God's plan is rarely the popular choice. The rewards however, they are popular. Because the reward is living a fulfilled life. The dark days will bring light. At the end of the journey is when you are able to look back and appreciate the dark moments. That is when we will appreciate stepping out on faith and allowing ourselves to be intimidated. That is when we will find the joy in our lives and be able to fully appreciate and recognize it ourselves. Living outside of the comfort zone and constantly living in inspiration is what will get you your goals and allow you to live out the vision God has for your life. That is a an amazing reality to live for.

Step Out on Faith

          I am learning more and more that when God pushes you in a certain direction eventually you need to give up the battle and step out on faith. When I look back on some of my "life decisions" I have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I am in the position I am in because I did not seek God in my decisions. When it comes to my career I could not narrow down how to describe it. That is because I will not sit down long enough to hear from God on what my path should be. So my "path" has changed a lot! When life throws difficult moments at you it is usually a wake up call to pay attention. Apparently I rarely listen. Now that I am really starting to understand that what my career choices are will not only affect my future but my children and husbands future as well. It is so much easier when your paycheck is basically for the purpose of shopping. It is a hard transition from teenager to college particularly when it comes to finances. This is also the time when we are supposed to decide what we should do for the rest of our lives. Really? At eighteen? My priorities have changed significantly in the last ten years. It is so easy to say that if you could go back you would make a different decision. But would you? I know I would not. I chose Fashion Merchandising. I loved it. I loved going to class and I loved sewing in my sweatpants and eating take out while my room mates were at the library chugging coffee to stay awake while reading about the dynamics of statistics. Obviously now I look back and wonder why I did not consider that they would be making a lot more money than I would be. Recently it hit me why this was not my concern. It is because I have always wanted to be my own boss and I want my job to consist of what I love. And what I love is cooking, sewing and being domestic. I am truly in my element when I am at home and being able to express myself through these outlets. It feeds my soul. I am not made for the corporate world. I have certainly tried. It is just not in me.  My dream has always been to be a wife and mother. It is old fashioned yes, but it is me. It truly is. That is all I want. But it cost a lot to live. So  you have to find a career that will allow you to do all of it so you can truly love your life.
        I have never considered doing any at home business. In all honestly I have always been very turned off by them. I always viewed these women as "the crazy make up lady" or "the pushy handbag lady". However, recently I was introduced to the company Arbonne. A very close friend of mine started selling the product and my thought was "why in the world is she doing this?". I soon figured out she understood something I did not. After my miscarriage I did a lot of soul searching and admitted to myself, it is irrelevant how much money you make when you wake up every morning miserable to go to work. It just simply is not worth it. I do not want to start a family when I am this stressed all the time and when I am this tired at the end of the day. What I want out of a job is freedom. I want freedom to work but not allow it to interrupt the things I love most in this life. I also want to make a difference. I truly want a career that is helping people because what is more fulfilling than that? At the end of they day who really cares what anyone thinks because people have opinions based on things they do not understand. I know I certainly do. Once I allowed myself to understand this company and this business my entire perspective changed. Yes the products are amazing and using them is a huge perk. However, what drew me into this business is what this will do to my life. It will give me freedom!  It will allow me to help people. To provide a service that honestly benefits people. No this is not for everyone but apparently it is for me. I had to allow God to guide me in this direction. It is so far from my comfort zone. However once we let go and let God we surprise ourselves with what we are capable of. Yes I am nervous but I am so excited. I can not wait to see what God is going to bring me through this business. I am in love with the women I have met through this experience. I am inspired and motivated. I will never be what I consider "a crazy skin care lady" but if that title gets thrown my way a few times while on this path I will learn to ignore it. Because does it really matter what anyone thinks if you are happy and fulfilled in your life? I am in this for my future and for my families future. I am in this so I can give to the ministries I love, so I will have the time to do the things I love. I am in this to help other women who are searching and struggling with "the next step". It is the the opportunity that this will provide for women. It goes far beyond an incredible product. It is a journey that can lead to financial freedom but most of all it can lead someone to live life in the way they thought they could never get to. I never thought it would be possible to have it all. It is. Just let God lead you there. Quit fighting him on what you think your path should be. Sometimes his path is down a road we would never considered taking.


http://www.arbonne.com/

Makin' Plans

               When Byron and I got married there was one song that I kept singing in my head. Our first couple months of marriage I would play it on the computer when I was getting ready for work in the morning and it would give me the "warm and fuzzy" feeling. The song always brought a sense of excitement and peace to my heart because it fit us so well. I have been so blessed to marry a man that I can honestly say I have loved since I was fourteen years old. Of course it has not always been so blissful. There have been a lot of heartbreaking moments and tears but eventually we both learned no matter how much we tried to fight it and at times, deny it, we truly love each other. More than we could ever love anyone else. God brought us back together after we both realized it was time to let him guide our hearts. As soon as we let go of trying to make our own plans we ended up on the same path. What I consider our theme song is "Makin' Plans" by Miranda Lambert which is pretty ironic considering our plans never turn out how we expect. My favorite part of the song is...

We can go on and on

Won’t ever feel too long

I’ll always call you home

And we’ll go on and on

‘Cause I know you like the back of my hand

Got a heart of gold and a piece of land

I’m your girl and you’re my man

And we’re makin’ plans

          This hit me the other day like a ton of bricks when I was having a hard time dealing with a "change of plans". You see Byron and I were expecting our first child. It seemed surreal. My whole life I have been so excited to be a mom. Sure I was into the wedding and all the exciting landmarks that lead up to it but being a mom, now that is the ultimate goal! That is my dream. I always joke about how I am running out of time. I mean the Mayan calender is ending right around the corner. We have to hurry this up. I was just as shocked as Byron was when I told him. I couldn't believe the time had actually come. A baby! Wow. How do you really wrap you mind around that? It is incredible to see your body start to change, you get sick and you could care less because it is for a reason so much bigger than yourself. We were keeping this quiet. After working at an OBGYN office I knew all about the risk and all the scary things that could go wrong. But I never actually thought it would happen to us. It is just something you think you should worry about but preparation for an actual loss does not really seem realistic. Well it didn't to me at least. Just like every other anxious mother waiting for the first appointment it seems like an eternity. But you spend hours reading on the internet about what to eat and how to exercise. You feel overwhelmed with all the information but you take it all in and buy your time until you get to go in and hear that amazing heartbeat.
            I know all women know very well about a woman's instinct. I know the men out there don't really buy into it but it is a real as it gets. I woke up the morning of our first appointment and immediately I felt a gloom take over. I started brushing my teeth and I realized there was no excitement. What was wrong with me? I had been waiting weeks for this day. As Byron and I were driving to the appointment I was telling him how I had a feeling something was wrong. He tried his best to assure me that everything was fine but I could tell he knew my instincts had come through before. He was not about to let me worry about something that had not even happened yet so he stayed as positive as he could.
               We went into the sono room and Dr. Perret came in. She was amazing and her attitude immediately soothed me. But the pit was still there. It never left. She knew I was nervous and so she started joking and laughing and for a moment I though that maybe I am just being a worrier. However, when she started the ultrasound her tone off voice completely changed and I knew what she was going to say. There was no heartbeat.
               I can not explain the moments that followed that statement because it all seems a little fuzzy now. There was a lot of blood work and a procedure that followed a couple days later. And then there I was, back home laying in bed to recover and no longer pregnant. Just like that, that life was gone. How do you go back to where you were before? Well, the answer is simple, you don't. I sat there thinking about all the plans I had been making the last couple of months. All the ideas and events that were supposed to happen. They were gone too. Once again I had to remind myself, I can make all the plans I want but my plans are not always God's plans. I love planning and dreaming, it is fun and I find it to be therapeutic. What is so hard to accept is that we don't get to choose our future. We just get to make decisions to alter the paths we go down. After a lot of tears and lots of quiet time I have come to the conclusion that I am not the only one that has gone through this or will go through this. But no one ever talks about it because it is so sad. I have days where I am an open book and some where if someone mentions it I burst into tears. I have had some long talks with some dear friends who have gone through the same thing. But I know full well that God has this taken care of. Just like all the other moments in our lives, once we are willing to give up the battle and let him guide us, he will.
            This blog is for all the other women (and men) out there that have gone through this or will go through this. At the end of the day we have to give it to him. We have to give the baby to him. All of them. The ones that make it into this world and the ones that are taken before we ever even hear a heartbeat.
            One verse that has been my saving grace during this process is "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4".  God knows our hearts and our desires. In his time I will be a mother again. I am holding on to that truth and I want every woman who has gone through this to hold onto that too. God KNOWS your desires. He knows. He has the plans and the perfect timing. We just have to allow him to get get us there. In the mean time just hold on to that truth. God has great plans for us, greater than we could ever plan for ourselves. So keep making your plans and when they change just allow yourself to change with them. Take it as growth and use it in your future. A future that will be greater than anything we could have planned for.