Live Beyond your Feelings

I have to say that throughout this month seeing all the post on what everyone is thankful for is really cool to see. It also got me thinking about how acknowledging what we can be thankful for keeps us focused on our blessings and not our struggles. It also seemed to make the negative post complaining about circumstances stand out even more. Clearly we are all guilty of complaining and I think that social media tends to become an outlet for some people to vent. Unfortunately this is a tool that Satan can use to distract us from our faith. Yesterday our pastor really struck home with his sermon. He laid out the journey to righteousness and what exactly that means. The entire chapter of Romans 4 is packed full of how to be righteous and live as a Godly example to those around us. So many times we are guilty of trying to earn approval by our actions. And part of that approval runs deep into impressing others, being envious of others and judging others.

The last few months I have really been working to reach a huge goal that will have a big positive impact on our little family. Just like anything it can become an emotional roller coaster but sitting in church yesterday I realized that regardless of circumstances and time frame, which is even more minor, I have to give it to God. That is a very difficult thing to do with anything but if I am not God focused nothing will be as good as it could be. I have so much to be thankful for. I have an incredible Godly man as a husband and father to my children. He loves me unconditionally and supports me always. He is a constant uplifting voice in my life that always remembers to focus on Gods favor in our lives. What a blessing he is to me. I have a beautiful, hilarious and snugly baby girl that literally makes me smile first thing every morning. I have a precious baby boy on the way that I can not wait to meet. I have a very supportive family in all aspects. My parents would do anything at the drop of a hat if I needed them. My siblings have always been my best friends and supported me and reminded me even when people I am close to have let me down I still have them and their relationship that will forever be secure and loving. And those blessings are just in my immediate family. Once I start there I can then go into my incredible friends and all they have done and been there for me throughout my life. Its amazing when you sit there and start naming one blessing it leads to another and another and another. All of the sudden the "circumstances", the "un-met" goals, the little annoyances and mood swings that Satan tries to build into strong holds in our life begin to shrink. They become less and less important.

I also learned when I stay in thankfulness I tend to separate myself from those that are negative. Not because I do not love and care about them but because misery loves company. I know when I am being "miserable" I want to hear others complain and talk about how many things are wrong in their life so I feel better. But the thing is, I do not feel better, I feel worse, I feel depressed and I do not feel righteous. Everyone has issues and problems to face daily. Regardless of how amazing their life may appear on the outside. Its an incredible thing that if we laid out all of our problems on a table and had to trade with someone else, we would want our own back pretty quickly. Isn't that something? We only compare our problems to others blessings? Why do we do that? As Christians it is vital to not lose sight of what matters. To pursue peace not judgement. Not to look at others and think well at least I am not doing that. This week I looked at a few of those negative post and thought "well at least I am not complaining like they are". But if I am thinking the same thoughts and not being an encouragement to them then I am just as guilty. When people are weak in their faith we must build them up so we can all grow in faith and bring others to Christ. This is our earthly example. As Christians we must show Gods love always even on our cloudy days, And for crying out loud we must stop complaining!! We must pursue faith not feelings! If our circumstances are bringing us down, how about we change them. We may not be able to change them as quickly as we want but we can be proactive and allow God to lead us in our journey.

When we moved to New Orleans a couple years ago I was convinced it was "short term". I did not allow myself to ever feel like this is my home. And to be honest, it is not going to be for much longer. But it has been my home for far longer than I anticipated. I have done a lot of gripping, complaining and worrying that my friends will not understand when I am not able to attend certain events. I have missed weddings, baby showers and even funerals because living several states away is part of the sacrifice. Not one that I am happy about but this is my current circumstance. The entire time we have lived here I told my husband "things will be really great when we relocate and get closer to home because..." and time and time again he has responded "things are great now." He is right, they are really great. Looking back on the last few years our lives have changed a lot and it has changed for the better. It is time I let go of how I want to plan things and what time frame I want them to fall under. And a long the way Satan will try to distract me with the friends that maybe do not understand or support me, or doors being closed and our next station may not be the exact place I want to live. However, I have to trust that wherever God leads us is where he wants us. I need to learn to look at the faithfulness God shows me daily. I must live beyond my feelings! If I can manage to do this and be thankful, stop complaining and learn to be righteous in Christ I can have a tremendous impact for God. That is something I can no longer take lightly. Declaring I am a Christ follower means I am opening the door for people to watch my life. How do I respond to life? I pray I will start living by conviction and not convenience. I believe that starts with putting a stop to complaining about stuff that does not matter. After all I want my children to learn Christ like behaviors. Complaining is not of God. There were six questions my pastor asked yesterday and I want to live a life that answers these correctly.

1.What does the Bible say?
2. What is the example of Jesus?
3.Have I surrendered this matter in prayer?
4. Is my faith being strengthened?
5.Am I building up my family?
6. Am I reaching anyone for Christ?

Thank you Lord for placing that sermon on the heart of my pastor yesterday. Thank you for reminding me in this season of thankfulness to always be thankful regardless of circumstances. I pray I will be part of the legacy to reach the world, and to recognize that unshaken faith in the Lord transforms lives.

The Power of a Smile

Have you seen the Volkswagen commercial where it just shows clips of people laughing? I don't care who you are you have to smile when you watch that. I remember riding in the car with my mom when I was pretty young. The thought came into my mind that I was a pretty happy kid. I know this sounds funny but in the mind of a child this was a very deep thought. I then began to think if there had ever been a day that I had not smiled. It is funny that I remember this but I think what made this memory stick is I looked at my mom and said “I think I have smiled every day of my life”. She looked down at me with a smile and said “you should make sure you continue to do that for the rest of your life.” Any command a parent gives you at this age is taken very seriously so I thought well I better keep this up!

I had a flashback of this memory when my three month woke me up this morning. In my groggy state, I rubbed my eyes and stumbled out of bed thinking to myself, I sure hope she wants to go back to sleep after she eats. When I walked up to her and looked down she gave me a huge open mouth, no teeth smile. I immediately woke up and realized how special and precious this time is with her. I have never been a morning person but when you have a baby you learn quickly that you no longer call the shots in your morning routine. My daughter Landry, is a morning baby. Although this may change once she recognizes the difference between night and day but as of now she loves waking up. I am reminded every morning how blessed I am and she reminds me of this by simply smiling at me. It is incredible what a smile does.

I began to further analyze this during my devotion time. Instead of going back to sleep I began my day. Just Landry smiling back at me gave me just the boost I needed to start my day off right.  I then transitioned into laughter and how powerful laughing can be when it comes to one’s emotional state. I feel laughter is a cure for a bad day. Isn't it amazing how God created something that seems so minor to have this much affect on your mood? An infamous quote from a classic movie has always been one of my favorites because it is so true…

“Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion” –Steel Magnolias

I think so many people relate to this quote because they know that is the only thing that can transition your heart to focus on the positive. That even during the darkest moments if you find something you can laugh or smile about you feel a sense of hope. You feel that life still does have joy in it even when you are broken. I believe happiness is a choice. It is a big choice and sometimes it is very difficult to choose to be happy.

I realize more and more how important laughter is in relationships. It does not matter what kind. Not everyone is a comedian but if there is laughter in the relationship there is joy. As annoyed and irritated as I can get with my husband he can always make me laugh. It is such a powerful aspect of our relationship because it brings me back to the reality of the situation every time. That at the heart of anything that we experience there is still joy and there is still love for one another. It is an important aspect to keep a relationship going. It is a common ground that people can relate to one another regardless of circumstance. But most importantly the reason for laughter must be pure. 

I jumped to this thought because on my jog the other day I saw some kids playing outside. There were a few kids on one side of the street laughing and I did not put much thought into it until I saw one kid that looked broken looking over at the group of laughing kids. I realized they were laughing at him.  I stopped and pretended to tie my shoe so I could hear the conversation and it was not one I ever want to hear my children take part in.  My blood began to boil and I immediately wanted to jump down the kids throats but I know that that would only add to the embarrassment of the other child. So instead I just smiled at the kid being left out, he smiled and then took off on his skateboard. As I watched him skate away I wondered what I should do in that situation, I looked at the other children and said “you know at some point in this life you may be the one being laughed at, you may want to think about that”. I know they do not care about what some lady has to say, it is far more important what their peers think of them. However, I hope that at least for a moment the smile took the kid away from the hurt he was feeling. I know there have been a lot of campaigns about bullying and it is a timeless issue that I agree should be approached. But I think it starts with what they are taught and what children see. It hit me that as a parent I have to be so aware of my reactions so that my children understand how important it is to treat one another. It can never be at another’s expense. I still happens when you are an adult. I got my feelings hurt the other day when a friend said I made her laugh in a very condescending way. I do not believe her intention was to hurt me but her laughing at my expense caught me off guard. It was even through text and I could not even see or hear the laughter but it still hurt my feelings.It is a powerful thing and most of the time we take it so lightly. Do not turn laughter ,which is a gift, into a weapon. 

Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. — Mark Twain

 During my devotion it hit me that this is going to be something I want my children to learn about laughter. I want them to enjoy life, I want them to smile every day and I want them to be able to laugh through tears. But at the heart of their laughter I want it to be pure. I want to teach them that they should NEVER laugh at someone. That they should never take something God intended for good and turn it into something bad. And when they do see someone abusing the gift of laughter that they separate themselves and react in a way that shows they do not laugh at anyone. I pray they never join into a group just to feel part of it because they will always regret settling for temporary acceptance over doing the right thing. I felt convicted anytime I have ever stood there and allowed someone to be hurt. It is never worth the temporary acceptance.

A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.

Proverbs 15:13

I love laughter. I love smiling. We all do. I want my children to have such a joyful and happy life full of laughter. But most importantly I want it to be pure joy. I want it to be because they see the good in a situation. I am thankful for my joy and my smiling baby today. I do not want my children to ever think it is okay to take something pure and turn it into something ugly. This is a heart issue and a pure smile will come from a glad heart.  I vowed today to make sure my smile is always pure.

A very Merry CHRISTmas

I love a good commercial, especially the ones that really tug at your heart. The hormones a woman experiences right after having a child really ignite the emotion. Just watching a carters commercial on TV brought me into a complete meltdown. All the moms know the one I am referring to, with the quote at the end that gets you right in heart. “Because the day I became yours, you became mine”. This commercial truly moves me every time I see it. Mainly because it is the best description I have heard to describe the feeling as a new mom.

 It is hard to put into words the feeling you have when you know you are experiencing something you have dreamed of your entire life. Ever since my daughter was born I have been in awe of the amount of love I am filled with. I truly enjoyed being pregnant, well until the very end.  I loved feeling the kicks and all the movements. The positive test results, ultrasounds and the amazing sound of their heartbeat are all part of the most amazing experience of my life. But nothing compares to the moment when you see your child for the first time. It is rare that I am speechless but in that moment I could not utter a word.  All I could do was just stare into her precious eyes.

Motherhood is certainly an experience that is filled with all sorts of emotions.  Fear, exhaustion, joy and pure happiness all mixed in at the same time. Learning sleeping patterns, feeding schedules and understanding the tiny cries are all part of the daily learning curve. Experiencing parenthood with Byron has also brought in a whole new dynamic into our marriage. After delivery Byron went with Landry to the nursery because we both decided beforehand that we wanted one of us to be with her at all times because we did not want to miss a moment.  The nurse, Byron and Landry came back into the delivery room after she had her bath and all the necessary treatments. I was still in a state of exhaustion but I immediately noticed the huge smile on the nurse’s face.  She looked over at me and said “This daddy is in love, I do not think you will have trouble asking him for help”.  She was not wrong. Byron jumps at the chance to change her diaper, which is funny considering he had never changed one before. We have loved doing this “parenting thing” together. It is crazy how much of your day is spent just staring at your child.  I have officially become one of those mothers constantly taking pictures and completely consumed with thoughts of my child. Of course I know it cannot always be like this. Children grow up and our lives will not always be focused on every movement our child makes. However, like a wise friend told me right before I had her, from the day she is born until your last day on earth you will worry.  I know that is the full truth.  Anyone who has children can relate, regardless if you gave birth to them or not, there is no greater love than the love you have for your child.

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. There is a “magic” in the air. Now more than ever I feel so blessed with my precious family.  I realize even more how much Christ truly loves us. Being a parent you immediately know that you would do anything for your child. This experience has taught me so much and has been a reminder of just how much God loves me. I think the love for your child is the closest thing to God's love we can experience. I have also been thinking a lot about all the people in my life that have already gone to be with the Lord. So many of the Christmas traditions I cannot wait to share with Landry were passed down to me by my grandparents. My grandmother always said I should have been born in a different time. I am so old fashioned at heart and at Christmas time it is really brought out in me. But I think Christmas does that to everyone in a way. It is the only time of year when all traditions are brought to life and it is not cheesy or too mushy because it is “the most wonderful time of the year”. It brings out the kid in all of us. But more than anything it is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. It is so important to teach my children to remember it is CHRISTmas. I was so fortunate to grow up in a home where this has always been the focus and it has truly molded my life in a way that I will be forever grateful for. I know Christ is in my heart and no matter what life throws at me God is on my side and his plan is in the works.  I want this for my children. I want to guide them in the same way my parents guided me.  And Christmas is such an opportunity to show your children what life is all about and what their focus should be.  Of course Landry is too small to experience the joy of Christmas this year but having her  here with us has definitely reminded me to be forever grateful for my parents and grandparents that taught me some amazing traditions to pass down to my children. I hope for my children’s sake they learn to appreciate them like I have.  I hope to teach them Jesus is the reason for the season. And the joy you fill at Christmas should be felt year round.  I plan to have a very Merry Christmas this year and I hope to remember to carry this joy with me for the rest of my life. I pray I can be an example of God’s love to my children so they can live filled with the love of Christ.  

Perfect Timing

I have always been one to try to map out a "plan" and sometimes that plan changes but I give myself a time frame and decide I have to complete this "plan" by this date. Rarely does my timing line up with God's timing. Yet every time things do not go as "planned" I get upset. This week I had a professional goal I wanted to hit before our child arrives this month. At one point I thought I had gotten there and even began to celebrate but as it turns out I have a little further to go. This is okay and I know I will get there but it is going to be in God's timing, not mine. However, I did not feel this way immediately. I was angry, disappointed and even stressed. I reached out to my encouragers that I always call during a crisis in my life, had a long talk with my husband and most importantly finally allowed myself some quiet time with God. By the end of the day I realized that I set myself up for disappointment. I did this by not allowing myself to let go and let God. My life is in his hands and his plans for my life are far greater than anything I can map out for myself. I also realized satan wants to take our joy. 

This is by far one of the most exciting months of my life. I am going to become a mother. That means more to me than any professional goal ever could. And focusing on anything but that at this time seems so small and unimportant. I began to realize I need to be thankful for this reminder to rely on God. I also learned that I will not give up on my goals. A verse that really had an impact on me is...

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Pretty powerful verse. I decided to start planting more seeds and continuing to put in the work because I do believe I will surpass my goals if I can remember to follow Gods plan for my life. God revealed to me that the largest growth takes place when things are not going your way. It is when you are down that you are able to see what you need to do and how you need to trust in him. A quote a friend sent to me was "You do not determine a mans greatness by his talent or wealth as the world does, but what it takes to discourage him". By letting this disappointment discourage me so much so that I would give up would be such a loss for my future and for my families future. This is a situation where I have to rise above even if I do not really feel like it. It has also been a huge lesson for me that I want to teach to my daughter. Life does not always go the way you want it to, especially when you want it to. But if we live for God and continue to trust in him it will go the way it should. 

In my business you have to be self motivated and determined. A Vice President in my company once said "all VP stands for is that you refused to quit when everyone else did."  I need to remember why I am doing this and who I am doing this for. I have been blessed in so many ways. My dream of being a stay at home mother came true. That is one of the biggest blessings in my life. Why I do this is so much stronger than any goal or time frame I put on myself. God knows what he is doing and even if I do not understand it I have to remind myself daily to trust in him and his timing. 

The Sun Always Comes Back Up

When Byron came home and casually mentioned that a hurricane was headed in our direction the next week I did not really know what that meant. Being from the mountains of North Carolina I am best prepared for a snow storm. Any other kind of natural disaster seems foreign to me. Watching the news over the next few days we watched and waited on word on if we were evacuating or not. Byron left for work on that Monday and told me to pack a bag for a few days and get everything ready because we were probably going to be leaving that afternoon. I found this to be very inconvenient. However, Byron called me a few hours later and said it would only be a category one hurricane and we are going to stay put. So we head to the grocery store and stock up on food and round up our fellow coasties friends for dinner and wait for this "minor" hurricane to start.



When we woke up the next morning everything seemed so calm and I started to wonder if it was even going to become anything at all. Later that afternoon the winds started with the heavy rains and then our power went out. At this point I am still thinking just another tropical storm. I have learned every time it rains in New Orleans it floods. This is our new normal. However, when the power did not come back on and we were having to live by candle light in the smoldering heat without any cooked or refrigerated food for the next couple of days I decided Hurricanes are for the birds. How annoying is this? Being 32 weeks pregnant only added to my annoyance and I started to complain, a lot. By Thursday Byron decided we needed to go to the other base and stay there until we got power again. We had both had enough of living in the dark and sweating every ounce of bottled water we drank.

 Byron's work place quickly became the shelter for all the families stationed at the Comm Station. I looked around and saw all the kids sleeping in sleeping bags and laughing. I walked into the kitchen and saw all the wives combining resources and preparing meals for everyone. All of the men of course finally had TV again due to the generator and were able to catch up on the start of the football season and everyone there was smiling. Living so far away from home it is difficult to be away from family and friends and I don't believe until that moment did I realize how lucky Byron and I are down here. We have found a home away from home. We have found people with common ground, they too are away from family and are living the military life where at times the lack of flexibility tends to "annoy" you. I also realized how fortunate we are to be part of the military. I am so proud of these men and women who have volunteered to serve this country. They protect us from terrorist, yes, but also from natural disasters. They guard and keep this country safe. They go out there when no one else is able and save lives. We saw so much devastation throughout the week. It turns out although Hurricane Isaac was a category one it hung around for so long and kept spinning it caused damage of a category five in some places. So many families lost their homes. To them this was their Hurricane Katrina.


With just a few minor damages and a week of being placed out of our home we made it back safe and sound. The power came back on, along with our ac. We cleaned up the mess, went to the grocery store and went back to normal life pretty quickly. We were so fortunate and blessed to be able to do that. So many families just a few miles away no longer have a home to go to. When that really sinks in I feel guilty for thinking that I was a victim in any way. God showed me so much over the last couple of weeks. I am so proud to be part of the United States Coast Guard family. I am so glad God reminded me to focus on what really matters in life. I pray that I am able to stay positive and not let the inconvenient days distract me from seeing all the good in my life. Throughout the hurricane I still had food, shelter and people that care about me. I still got a paycheck, thanks to Arbonne, one of the biggest God sends in my life. I have so much and hope that I am able to remember this when my child comes into the world next month. I want to teach her that life does not always give you sunny days but eventually the sun always comes back up.

Small Town, Big Hearts

I am from a small town in North Carolina. I always say God kissed the earth and called it Boone, North Carolina. When you grow up in Boone a part of your heart stays there. It does not matter if you move away forever and you come back whenever you know your soul needs the fresh mountain air or you know raising a family anywhere else would be an injustice to your children. When Byron joined the Coast Guard we were so excited about the adventure, of the unknown. Yet at the same time,  we both knew there was going to be so much we would miss about “home”. Not only is Boone beautiful but it is full of beautiful people. When there is something to celebrate like weddings and babies the warmth and love you feel from the community is amazing. Even more, when tragedy strikes and the dark days come the entire community pulls together and helps you get through it as best you can.

It seems this year there has been a lot of tragedy in my small town. It seems that there is more tragedy there than normal. Then I realized I felt that because we all know everyone and we all hurt when a fellow Boone native hurts. We all cry and mourn the loss and we never forget. Life is so hard and when tragedy strikes it makes you latch on to your loved ones and hold on for dear life. But no one really understands unless you are the one that has lost someone. And losing someone when they are young and have so much life to live is so hard to understand. It is impossible to not ask God why? Why did they have to go so soon? Why am I still here without them?

At 26 weeks pregnant I feel my precious baby kicking. I feel movement and life and nothing in the world is more exciting to me than the life that will soon arrive. Byron and I feel blessed beyond measure. We are overjoyed with this blessing and I wake up every day with a new sense of excitement that I had never felt before. The moment you find out that you are expecting the world looks different. You see the world from a parents view point. You look at what you are bringing your child into. So much of this world is beautiful but at the same time there is so much evil and heartbreak as well. I would love to protect my child from anything that could ever harm her or cause her pain but that is impossible. All I can teach her is how to deal with it and where to put her faith. Everyone who is brought into this world will be taken out. Sometimes it is from sickness, sometimes from tragedy and even worse sometimes by another’s hands that derives from pure evil.

We are all born with a good and evil in our hearts and we have to choose which path we will follow. We have to choose how we value life. In all honesty it is a simple choice. It is not always easy but it is simple. And for those who choose good and choose life truly break when a life is chattered.  There is sincere compassion for another human being. I want to teach my children how sacred and special life is. How to value it and take care of it. How to guard their hearts. When tragedy strikes there is one verse that always consumes my thoughts and they are the only words I know to speak to those suffering from a loss…

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

A peace that passes all understanding. Only through Christ can we find that kind of peace. Without Christ there is no peace. There is no hope. There are no bright days. Without him your heart can turn very dark, very quickly. Life will beat you down, Satan comes in to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to break you down so much that you will not recover that you will turn from Christ or never really find him in the first place. He wants you to focus on the anger and the hole in your heart. As Christians it is normal to ask “why?” but we have to trust in him. God does not want us to go through dark days. When we are broken so is Christ. But this world is full of evil and at times it seems that evil is winning. At the end of our lives is when we look back and see all that we have gone through good and bad. It is when we can see where God was able to get us through the dark days and bring us bright ones again. But as a Christian it will not be until we get to heaven will we see the full work of God in our lives and the love, grace and mercy that Christ is. Until that day when we see all the loved ones we have lost, until we see Christ we have to survive on faith. We have to trust in him fully. And even more we have to show that love and faith to the world. We need to bring others to Christ so they can have the peace that passes all understanding. So that we can all rejoice in heaven. So at the end of our lives we can see more bright days than dark ones. As long as we are in this world there will be tragedy and death. It is unavoidable. My prayer is for  peace for all the precious Boone families that are going through heart break and loss. I thank God for our community and for his grace and love shown through his followers. I pray through tragedy others are brought to Christ and in heaven we can all celebrate together. I love my Boone family and will always be praying. I pray for more bright days and for peace that will pass all understanding.

Politics.

I do not care for politics. As a Christian to some it should be black and white which “side” you should choose. But when you look at the Bible it does not fall under a specific party. However, what the Bible says about sin is black and white. What am I? I am a Christian. Who do I vote for? The person who is the closest to believing in what I believe. There is only one thing that anyone should ever hate and that is sin. Because sin is what causes so much hurt and destruction in our society. And more importantly we are all guilty of it.

                                  For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

I cringe when I hear Christians claim that others are greater sinners than they are. We are not the one to judge. We are here to witness and show God’s love. We need to live our lives the best we can and serve God. By serving God we love other people. No we do not support their sin, nor do we agree with it. But we should never approach the issue with anger and hate. We are to be Christ like. We are to show them with love how much God loves them. If we as Christians would do this can you imagine the impact it would have? I want my children to grow up in a society that knows Christ. I want my children to know the love of Christ. Not the impression that those that are not saved have of Christians, but most importantly of God. God is love. He loves us all. We can all have him in our hearts. We can all be saved. We can all feel the pure joy and peace when you have him living inside your heart. That is what we need to be passionate about.

So before you take a stand and say something and speak anger towards anyone. As a Christian think about it first, read your Bible, step back and ask yourself…What would Jesus do? We should always stand up for what we believe but we should also always do it in love.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

I grew up in a home where my parents knew that if we always felt loved you could handle just about anything. There are four children in my family. My brother being the oldest, I was next in line and then our twin sisters came along. One of my sisters, Betsy was born with sacral agenesis. Basically what that meant for her is she was born without the bottom part of her spine. The spine is connected to a lot of the key nerves in the body. This effected Betsy’s growth and development. But when you are a kid all you know is that your sister is really small. She still gets on your nerves, borrows your clothes without asking and is your constant playmate. As her siblings we never doubted in Betsy’s ability to be normal. Because to us she was normal. She was our sister. The older she got the more we learned that the world sometimes thought they had the right to make her feel less than she was. As the older sister I took on the “motherly” role. This at times came out with severe anger. I told off a lot of people growing up. I made sure if I was around and someone even thought about staring or pointing I would be on the attack faster than they could get words out. I know this is not the Godly way to handle ignorant people but I found it very difficult to control my temper. However, Betsy always found a way to be the bigger person. Always.  What her family sees in her is what she knows is the truth. Because what we see is what God sees, perfection. God makes no mistakes. He had no intention of bringing Betsy into this world with a fully developed spine. He knew she was bigger than what the world tells her she is supposed to be. Everyone who knows Betsy quickly forgets about her disability. You cannot help but fall in love with her. She is addictive to be around and lights up every room. I cannot imagine life without her as an inspiration. I could not be more proud of the person she is.

The darkest time in her life is what most would expect, her teen years and it rolled into her college years as well. For the most part high school was a success. She had lots of friends and even made the cheerleading squad, proving once again she can do anything she sets her mind to. But college was a bit harder. She no longer had her family around as her constant support system and on a big college campus people see her as a stranger not as Betsy. What is worse is that they saw her as a stranger with a disability. I remember being shocked at the response from her fellow students. To me Betsy was Betsy, disability or not. What I learned during this time is how the world places you on their scale. You have to be a certain height, size, shape and look. You also have to fall into their specific standards for what they rate as “good enough”.  I think in many ways we as her family are blessed because our outlook on disability is far different than it is for most people. We know not to stare or point. We also know that more than anything anyone who feels different despises pity. Why in the world do we think they deserve pity? I know more than anything this is what will get to Betsy. Pity what? That she is small? Do you think she does not know that? Why is being a petite person a bad thing? And why does the world think they are better and can talk to her like she is less of a person because of her size? She is a 24 year old grown woman with a masters degree. And guess what? She has started her own ministry. She travels around the world and speaks to churches, schools and events. She constantly shares her testimony about how God has done amazing things in her life. How the world tries to beat her up but at the end of the day she knows where her standard lies. She is out there fighting this battle against the world proving she is better and has more worth and guts than anyone has ever given her credit for. And why is she doing this? To change the world. Because my sister Betsy really believes people can change. If just one child is saved from rejection, laughter and teasing because of her story it will be totally worth it. If by raising enough money to send a doctor to a poverty stricken country where children with disabilities do not survive without the proper medical care, it is all worth. But most importantly, for anyone who thinks they can justify aborting a child on the sole purpose of “they have a disability and life would just be too hard”. Is Betsy’s life really not worth living? Of course no one will say that is the case to her now. But somehow when that child is still in the womb they are considered to those who are pro choice that we have the right to choose if they should be able to live or die? According to our superficial standards of what life is about, we find it to be too difficult for them. In reality it is too difficult for us. Because our take on life is that anyone born into this world with a disability are looked down upon and pitied. My sister Betsy is determined to change the opinions of this world. It is time for us to sit back and actually think about what we are saying. It is time for us to recognize that life is a gift and it should not be in our hands to determine the quality of life we feel everyone should be rated on.  My sister, with her disability has done more in her twenty five years than most people do in their lifetime. To her this life has a purpose. To share God’s love so everyone knows the pure joy you find when he is in your life. The perfect body and the acceptance of the world is not what it is about. The world would be an amazing place if there were more Betsy’s in it. So next time you are considering justifying abortion for any reason. Stop and reconsider the life you are cheating the world out of. They are made in the eyes of our creator. He knows what he is doing. I think it is time for us to allow him to handle things. 

Please follow my sister at: http://www.betsybolick.blogspot.com/

From Vision to Reality

Isn't it amazing what a quote can do? Once an inspiring quote is posted in the form of a media website, text or email it can get spread like wildfire. We are inspired and then pass along this inspiration to others. Then two hours later we get right back into our daily grind and forget all about the vision that popped in our head when we were reading it. Most of the time, the ones that really get us are the ones that would require us to step out of our "comfort zones'. It is great to pretend we are actually going to take the steps to reach our "vision" of what we want in our lives but there are only a few of us that actually end up doing this. We want change, we want greater things for our life and our future. Why do we not just do it? Well, because it is easier said, or read, than done. One that was sent to me this morning by an amazing friend (that knows exactly what I needed to hear during this time in my life), is..

"If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten."

Wow. That is not comfortable at all. It is too accurate to be comfortable. That is inspiration. We have to be forced out of our comfort zones to fulfill what we want to in this life. That is true in every aspect. This is the time of year where we do our "New Years Resolutions". Where we promise ourselves that this is the year that we will accomplish our goals. One little slip up and we back track all the way to where we started. So many times we barely make any ground at all. I have to remind myself, does it matter if you start in January or is it alright if you try again in April? I think it is. I think instead of resolutions, why don't we call them goals? Why don't we constantly try to fulfill our goals. The only problem is, that we get stuck in what our "normal" is. We have to make sacrifices in order to get there. Sometimes they are minor, like giving up fried food, other times they are heart breaking like realizing you have to walk away from a relationship that is only dragging you down. It is a scary concept, especially if it is something that you really desire for your life.

"If the size of the vision for your life is not intimidating to you, there is a good chance it is insulting to God!" Steve Furtick

Powerful, very powerful. We have to want God's plan for our life, not our own. His plan is intimidating but it is HIS plan. His plan is far greater than anything we could ever imagine for ourselves. The older I get the more I realize, satan works really hard to steer you away from reaching God's goal for your life.  Along the way there are "friends" that will criticize and lack understanding that ultimately YOU will be the one that is able to find peace in your life decisions. Because God's plan is rarely the popular choice. The rewards however, they are popular. Because the reward is living a fulfilled life. The dark days will bring light. At the end of the journey is when you are able to look back and appreciate the dark moments. That is when we will appreciate stepping out on faith and allowing ourselves to be intimidated. That is when we will find the joy in our lives and be able to fully appreciate and recognize it ourselves. Living outside of the comfort zone and constantly living in inspiration is what will get you your goals and allow you to live out the vision God has for your life. That is a an amazing reality to live for.

Step Out on Faith

          I am learning more and more that when God pushes you in a certain direction eventually you need to give up the battle and step out on faith. When I look back on some of my "life decisions" I have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I am in the position I am in because I did not seek God in my decisions. When it comes to my career I could not narrow down how to describe it. That is because I will not sit down long enough to hear from God on what my path should be. So my "path" has changed a lot! When life throws difficult moments at you it is usually a wake up call to pay attention. Apparently I rarely listen. Now that I am really starting to understand that what my career choices are will not only affect my future but my children and husbands future as well. It is so much easier when your paycheck is basically for the purpose of shopping. It is a hard transition from teenager to college particularly when it comes to finances. This is also the time when we are supposed to decide what we should do for the rest of our lives. Really? At eighteen? My priorities have changed significantly in the last ten years. It is so easy to say that if you could go back you would make a different decision. But would you? I know I would not. I chose Fashion Merchandising. I loved it. I loved going to class and I loved sewing in my sweatpants and eating take out while my room mates were at the library chugging coffee to stay awake while reading about the dynamics of statistics. Obviously now I look back and wonder why I did not consider that they would be making a lot more money than I would be. Recently it hit me why this was not my concern. It is because I have always wanted to be my own boss and I want my job to consist of what I love. And what I love is cooking, sewing and being domestic. I am truly in my element when I am at home and being able to express myself through these outlets. It feeds my soul. I am not made for the corporate world. I have certainly tried. It is just not in me.  My dream has always been to be a wife and mother. It is old fashioned yes, but it is me. It truly is. That is all I want. But it cost a lot to live. So  you have to find a career that will allow you to do all of it so you can truly love your life.
        I have never considered doing any at home business. In all honestly I have always been very turned off by them. I always viewed these women as "the crazy make up lady" or "the pushy handbag lady". However, recently I was introduced to the company Arbonne. A very close friend of mine started selling the product and my thought was "why in the world is she doing this?". I soon figured out she understood something I did not. After my miscarriage I did a lot of soul searching and admitted to myself, it is irrelevant how much money you make when you wake up every morning miserable to go to work. It just simply is not worth it. I do not want to start a family when I am this stressed all the time and when I am this tired at the end of the day. What I want out of a job is freedom. I want freedom to work but not allow it to interrupt the things I love most in this life. I also want to make a difference. I truly want a career that is helping people because what is more fulfilling than that? At the end of they day who really cares what anyone thinks because people have opinions based on things they do not understand. I know I certainly do. Once I allowed myself to understand this company and this business my entire perspective changed. Yes the products are amazing and using them is a huge perk. However, what drew me into this business is what this will do to my life. It will give me freedom!  It will allow me to help people. To provide a service that honestly benefits people. No this is not for everyone but apparently it is for me. I had to allow God to guide me in this direction. It is so far from my comfort zone. However once we let go and let God we surprise ourselves with what we are capable of. Yes I am nervous but I am so excited. I can not wait to see what God is going to bring me through this business. I am in love with the women I have met through this experience. I am inspired and motivated. I will never be what I consider "a crazy skin care lady" but if that title gets thrown my way a few times while on this path I will learn to ignore it. Because does it really matter what anyone thinks if you are happy and fulfilled in your life? I am in this for my future and for my families future. I am in this so I can give to the ministries I love, so I will have the time to do the things I love. I am in this to help other women who are searching and struggling with "the next step". It is the the opportunity that this will provide for women. It goes far beyond an incredible product. It is a journey that can lead to financial freedom but most of all it can lead someone to live life in the way they thought they could never get to. I never thought it would be possible to have it all. It is. Just let God lead you there. Quit fighting him on what you think your path should be. Sometimes his path is down a road we would never considered taking.


http://www.arbonne.com/

Makin' Plans

               When Byron and I got married there was one song that I kept singing in my head. Our first couple months of marriage I would play it on the computer when I was getting ready for work in the morning and it would give me the "warm and fuzzy" feeling. The song always brought a sense of excitement and peace to my heart because it fit us so well. I have been so blessed to marry a man that I can honestly say I have loved since I was fourteen years old. Of course it has not always been so blissful. There have been a lot of heartbreaking moments and tears but eventually we both learned no matter how much we tried to fight it and at times, deny it, we truly love each other. More than we could ever love anyone else. God brought us back together after we both realized it was time to let him guide our hearts. As soon as we let go of trying to make our own plans we ended up on the same path. What I consider our theme song is "Makin' Plans" by Miranda Lambert which is pretty ironic considering our plans never turn out how we expect. My favorite part of the song is...

We can go on and on

Won’t ever feel too long

I’ll always call you home

And we’ll go on and on

‘Cause I know you like the back of my hand

Got a heart of gold and a piece of land

I’m your girl and you’re my man

And we’re makin’ plans

          This hit me the other day like a ton of bricks when I was having a hard time dealing with a "change of plans". You see Byron and I were expecting our first child. It seemed surreal. My whole life I have been so excited to be a mom. Sure I was into the wedding and all the exciting landmarks that lead up to it but being a mom, now that is the ultimate goal! That is my dream. I always joke about how I am running out of time. I mean the Mayan calender is ending right around the corner. We have to hurry this up. I was just as shocked as Byron was when I told him. I couldn't believe the time had actually come. A baby! Wow. How do you really wrap you mind around that? It is incredible to see your body start to change, you get sick and you could care less because it is for a reason so much bigger than yourself. We were keeping this quiet. After working at an OBGYN office I knew all about the risk and all the scary things that could go wrong. But I never actually thought it would happen to us. It is just something you think you should worry about but preparation for an actual loss does not really seem realistic. Well it didn't to me at least. Just like every other anxious mother waiting for the first appointment it seems like an eternity. But you spend hours reading on the internet about what to eat and how to exercise. You feel overwhelmed with all the information but you take it all in and buy your time until you get to go in and hear that amazing heartbeat.
            I know all women know very well about a woman's instinct. I know the men out there don't really buy into it but it is a real as it gets. I woke up the morning of our first appointment and immediately I felt a gloom take over. I started brushing my teeth and I realized there was no excitement. What was wrong with me? I had been waiting weeks for this day. As Byron and I were driving to the appointment I was telling him how I had a feeling something was wrong. He tried his best to assure me that everything was fine but I could tell he knew my instincts had come through before. He was not about to let me worry about something that had not even happened yet so he stayed as positive as he could.
               We went into the sono room and Dr. Perret came in. She was amazing and her attitude immediately soothed me. But the pit was still there. It never left. She knew I was nervous and so she started joking and laughing and for a moment I though that maybe I am just being a worrier. However, when she started the ultrasound her tone off voice completely changed and I knew what she was going to say. There was no heartbeat.
               I can not explain the moments that followed that statement because it all seems a little fuzzy now. There was a lot of blood work and a procedure that followed a couple days later. And then there I was, back home laying in bed to recover and no longer pregnant. Just like that, that life was gone. How do you go back to where you were before? Well, the answer is simple, you don't. I sat there thinking about all the plans I had been making the last couple of months. All the ideas and events that were supposed to happen. They were gone too. Once again I had to remind myself, I can make all the plans I want but my plans are not always God's plans. I love planning and dreaming, it is fun and I find it to be therapeutic. What is so hard to accept is that we don't get to choose our future. We just get to make decisions to alter the paths we go down. After a lot of tears and lots of quiet time I have come to the conclusion that I am not the only one that has gone through this or will go through this. But no one ever talks about it because it is so sad. I have days where I am an open book and some where if someone mentions it I burst into tears. I have had some long talks with some dear friends who have gone through the same thing. But I know full well that God has this taken care of. Just like all the other moments in our lives, once we are willing to give up the battle and let him guide us, he will.
            This blog is for all the other women (and men) out there that have gone through this or will go through this. At the end of the day we have to give it to him. We have to give the baby to him. All of them. The ones that make it into this world and the ones that are taken before we ever even hear a heartbeat.
            One verse that has been my saving grace during this process is "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4".  God knows our hearts and our desires. In his time I will be a mother again. I am holding on to that truth and I want every woman who has gone through this to hold onto that too. God KNOWS your desires. He knows. He has the plans and the perfect timing. We just have to allow him to get get us there. In the mean time just hold on to that truth. God has great plans for us, greater than we could ever plan for ourselves. So keep making your plans and when they change just allow yourself to change with them. Take it as growth and use it in your future. A future that will be greater than anything we could have planned for.

God Bless America

I had a little wake up call the other day. Byron and I were riding in the car and the recent Toby Keith song came on the radio, “Made in America”. I have heard this numerous times throughout the summer and decided to express my irritation about it to Byron. I pointed out that it seems all of Toby Keith’s songs are corny and about “American stuff” all the time now. Typically, when I express my opinion about music Byron and I agree. I was shocked with his response, he brought up the point that as corny as it may be, he is overseas constantly seeing these troops first hand and hearing their stories. It has been ten years since the tragedy on 9/11 and that has given us ten years to become de-sensitized again. Yes, my husband is in the Coast Guard, so obviously we can relate more to songs and statements about the military. However, even I did not take the time to listen to the words of this song and think about how much we as Americans would be effected if we all felt the same way.  The words to this song are powerful, and may have been spoken or sung a million times (particularly in the short time following 9/11) but we still do not choose to listen….

Made in America Lyrics

my old man's that old man,
spent his life livin' off the land,
dirty hands, and a clean soul.
breaks his heart seein' foreign cars,
filled with fuel that isn't ours
and wearin' cotton he didn't grow

he's got the red, white, and blue flyin' high on the farm
semper fi tattooed on his left arm
spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says u.s.a.
won't buy nothin' that he can't fix,
with wd40 and a craftsman wrench
he ain't prejudice he's just, made in America

his wife, she's that wife that decorates on the 4th of july
but says "every day's independence day"
she's golden rule, teaches school,
some folks say it isn't cool but she says the pledge of allegiance anyway.

got the red, white, and blue flyin' high on the farm
semper fi tattooed on his left arm
spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says u.s.a.
won't buy nothin' that he can't fix,
with wd40 and a craftsman wrench
he ain't prejudice he's just, made in America

born in the heartland, raised up a family
of king james and uncle saml

got the red, white, and blue flyin' high on the farm
semper fi tattooed on his left arm
spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says u.s.a.
won't buy nothin' that he can't fix,
with wd40 and a craftsman wrench
he ain't prejudice he's just, made in America

made in America
made in America

my old man's that old man,
he's made in America

America!


It does seem pretty crazy that we do not pay any attention to the fact that we depend so heavily on foreign products, particularly when we have such a poor employment rate in this country. Can you imagine the change that would happen in this country if we turned things around and started paying attention? We should buy, use and sell American products. We should remember how fortunate we are to be born into this country. I am among many Americans that get chills when I hear the old classic songs like the great Alabama hit “Proud to be an American”. Unfortunately I am in the same majority that does not pay attention to what I can do to protect this country. It is not just up to the politicians and military. I am pretty sure we as citizens can have a pretty huge impact if we would just open up our eyes and see how we can help. God bless America.

Dear God,

I have always heard, you have to have quiet time with God every day. Throughout my spiritual life I have done this off and on, and yet time and time again I find myself getting out of the "habit". When this happens it seems my focus in life quickly becomes superficial and selfish. It is amazing to me that when I give God a little bit of time everyday (when the TV is not on) I find that quickly my worries and concerns about my own life seem to be placed on the back burner and I start praying for other people. I love how God will always bring you back to reality and remind you that there are other people with worse problems. I am then able to be so grateful for all I do have and all of the amazing blessings in my life. There are always going to be trials and "irritating moments" but at the end of the day God is always there to remind you to put him in the center and watch it all fall into place. There are a lot of "journal writers" out there, and I know they can relate to looking back at previous entries and seeing how much has changed in their lives. I started a few years ago with my prayers. During my quiet time with God I write down my prayers. My prayer journal has truly become an outlet where I feel God speaking to me. I begin to write down things I did not even know I needed to pray for. I pray for other people even if I don't know exactly what is going on. There are even moments when I feel led to let them know I am praying. I cannot explain how amazing it has been to look back at all the answered prayers in the last few years. My grandmother, Jo, was the first person I ever saw do this. I have numerous stories where her written prayers have been answered years later. However, several weeks ago God really reminded me of how perfect his timing is. When I first asked Jesus to come into my heart I was six years old riding in a car with my grandmother and mother. Jo was always a true testimony of a woman who lived for Christ. She gave me "a Christian basket" as my gift at my baptism.  She told me to put all the special items throughout my life that remind me of how God is working. Byron and I moved to New Orleans in April of this year and brought entirely too much with us, of course. Fortunately we have a storage unit at our house. One night I could not sleep and I felt a strong sense of urgency to go to the storage unit and look in my Christian basket. A part of me thought this is insane but after laying there for a couple hours I finally decided to listen to my gut feeling. I dug through the storage unit and finally found the basket. I started to go through the items and I saw a letter in an envelope addressed to me from 1993. I of course could not remember what this letter was about. It was from Jo and as I started reading it I was overwhelmed with emotion. During the time of this letter I was in third grade and facing normal "elementary problems" that I vaguely remember now. As I kept reading she spoke about three different prayer concerns at that time and how God led her to write me this letter. What is absolutely amazing and can only be from God is that the three issues my family and I were going through in 1993 were also issues in our lives now! They were in different forms but the same struggles! Then I read the line that sent chills running up my spine, she stated what she believed was in store for our family. I knew that in two days we were going to know if what she stated 18 years ago was going to be true or not. Guess what, it was! How amazing is our God? I just sat there in amazement. I could not believe that I still had that letter 18 years later, when I lived in New Orleans and at the exact moment when my family needed it the most. I was reminded of God's presence and guidance in prayers the other day when I decided to vent through social media about something that was I was going through. There were two amazing Christian women in my life that both wrote and told me how God spoke to them to talk to me about what I was going through. I felt comforted and humbled through two amazing women that listened when God told them to contact me. Thank you Lord for always finding a way to be heard even when we are not listening! I am so glad that my grandmother had that quiet time with God that evening in 1993 and that he revealed himself to me through that letter almost two decades later. I now know that my prayer journal is not only for growth in my personal relationship with God but for others as well. It is not so bad when we realize that if we learn to not focus on ourselves it all just seems to come together much easier. This is a daily stuggle but I pray through time God will turn this selfish heart into one that learns to live for him all the time, not just when things seem to be going "my way."

Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

The Good o'l Days

So I must admit I have two, very obvious to those who know me well,  guilty pleasures....

 The first is too watch the Food Network (mainly Paula Deen) and then make the delicious creations with my own little spin on them. I know exactly where I got my love for cooking and eating from, my wonderful paternal grandmother, Rose Ellen Bolick. She mastered everything she ever made. It was the absolute best version of the dish imaginable. I find myself craving her meals and sometimes I feel like I walk into a kitchen and the smell takes me right back to sitting at her table. Every bite just melting in your mouth with her very contagious laughter at her own stories in the background. When I was little I used to love it when she would get done cooking and give me the leftover "scraps" like the peelings from her vegetables and I could go outside and create the most elaborate mud pies you have ever seen! It was a passion that has always been with me and I know it was passed down from her to me. She passed away on a rainy day in April last year. We knew it was coming but the sense of loss and tradition that left our family that day was what we all knew was coming. And it is true it has not been the same without her.

I have been blessed beyond measure because God gave me and absolute amazing maternal grandmother as well. This precious woman was a second mother to me, someone I went to for advice from everything from what earrings to wear to what boys to not date! And through her I developed my second guilty pleasure which is shopping! I know most girls can say this however with this woman, Jo Fortune Williams, she made it an art. She could consignment shop like no one had ever seen. She found treasures every time, and I get that same passion from her, I love the hunt! But don't worry she could also find some amazing deals at the highest end retail stores out there. And boy could the woman accessorize! She loved big chunky pieces of jewelry and bright bold colors. When I was little I had no interest in going to the toy store, I wanted clothes. That is what made my Christmas list every year! My senior year of college I was working at a clothing boutique and I was sitting at the counter and glanced over and saw a keepsake box that had been unpacked for the accessory table. It was made of old colored glass and had an angel on top of it. I thought to myself  "Mamaz" would love this. Just a couple hours later my mother calls me and says that Mamaz had been taken to the emergency room. A few days later she went on to be with Jesus. I went to the boutique a couple days after the funeral and saw the box again and purchased it for my mother. I have noticed more and more throughout the years I find different pieces in stores that are hidden and unnoticed and it feels "therapeutic" in some way. I love it, just as much as she did. She is and will always be part of who I am, especially when I shop!

I find myself going back to my life when they were here and I think to myself "life is just not as sweet without them here" and that is true. However, we are always living in a time where one day we will look back and say "God was teaching me this at that time and I wish I would have paid closer attention to that". So in reality, we are always living in the "good o'l days". There is always something we can miss. We just have to remember what it taught us. I can not wait to relive my grandmothers lives with my children one day. Byron and I went to dinner the other night and we ended up sitting in the restaurant and talking about our grandfathers for two hours. All four men impacted our lives in so many ways even though we were children when they passed on. What legacies they have left for future generations. Isn't that what life is all about? Trying to live in the moment today and even though we are so far way from our friends and family these days we still carry with us all they have taught and shared with us. Life is sweet, even when a little sweetness is lost when those we love pass on, there is still so much left to share and remember.


Why I wrote this today is because my sister just called me to say my Aunt Harriett just passed away. She was the sister of Jo. I feel such a sense of loss about losing this entire generation. But what God has shown me today is that we can find a true comfort in their memory and to pass those memories on. And how cool is it when we find that their influence has developed some of the same passions we find in ourselves?